Friday, April 19, 2013

Friday Night Wrights: Full ob Fanks Edition

after a berry difficult teu weeks...
Welcome Back
Friday Night Wrights
I wood like teu say...
Many Fanks be teu
all the law enforcement
and furst resbonders
wheu haff brought an end
teu the search fur the Boston Marathon Terrorists...
Many Brayers
continue teu roll
fur all those injured and affeckted
by the horror what occurred
at the ebent on Monday...
and also fur
those what habbs suffered
wif injury and loss ob lubbed ones
in the furtilizer blant ecksplosion in
West, Texas.
Yes. Yess.
It habbs been a difficult week.
And in a much more mini scule whay,
it habbs been a tough few weeks fur
- - - - -
 The Sicknesses.
I haff been sick
four times in fibe weeks,
incleuding twice in the last teu weeks. 
The tecknickal name fur
my the sicklinessess
"Sloopy Poopy".
 I haff been fasted.
I haff been on a berry bland diet.
And juss when I get better
and my kibble iss added back inteu the bowl,
I get sick again.
 And so
the Mom finks it iss my kibble...
the brand ob which habbs
teu boluntary recalls
ob which my bag lot number whas KNOT listed...
butt still,
I haff habbed the sicklinesses,
the mopey-nesses
I haff juss knot been

my self.  
 I habbed knot lost my abbetite
 butt I habbed knot felt much like training.
 And teu make matters worser,
the Tacks Accountant and I
did haff teu sbend lass weekend
combleting and filing
Our Tackses.
That whas knot my faborite whay
teu sbend a whee-kend...
 so I whas berry habby on Sunday when
me and the Mom tooken....
A Ride in The Red Trolley.
At the wheel ob the trolley whas
my the Aunt Karen,
and at my nose whas
my the Cousin Cam. 
Cam iss knot crazy about
riding in the trolley,
so here I am turning my back teu the Mom
teu tell him the joke about
the briest, the rabbi and the golden retrieber
wheu walk inteu a bar...
Turns out,
he habbed heard that one,
knock knock...
I fink that sweet boy
mussta left his sense ob humor
at the last trolley stob.
where o where are whee going. 
Ah O.
Sbeaking ob leabing yeur sense ob humor
some where...
I left mine in the trolley.
- - - - -
The Baff

Yes. Yess.
Much teu my shugrin,
whee deboarded the trolley at
Dirty Hairy Dog Wash
 The Sba Attendant
did remind me that
my lass baff whas a cubble ob monfs ago
and I habbed been wif the sicklinesses...
Now ass baffs go,
Dirty Hairy's iss a great blace teu haff one,
butt I still deu knot understand
what is wrong wif juss a bit ob
the stinkinesses
 what were scrubbed
and soaked
and whashed right out ob me.
And here yeu whill see
the furst tier ob
the fur drying,
the towel rub. 
That bart iss enjoyable...
 It iss the second tier ob drying
what iss so berry tedious, knot necessary
and down wright torturous...
the dreaded fur blowing dryers.
~ ~ ~
[Horrifick. No Bickshers.
The source fur Night Mares, really.]
~ ~ ~
Now I wood be remiss if I did knot boint out that
Mister Cousin Cam
did berry much enjoy
boaf his baff

and his fur blown dry.
Bless hiss heart
butt I digress.
- - - - -
It whas berry much fun teu see
Cousin Cam and my the Aunt Karen,
butt my faborite blace teu see them
whas in the trolley.
The return trib whas
 filled wif an air ob
bebbermint and yeucallyptus
- - - - -
Home Sweet Home.
I whas tired when whee got home
from the sba.
 It iss knot the baff what wears me out.
 It iss the resistance teu the baff
and the drying
what wears me out.
And so it whas
that between the tackses and the baff,
whee took teu the big bed early that night.
And then at teu firty that neckst morning,
I did whake the Mom up
out ob a deeb sleeb
teu go outside and be
horrifickally sick...
And that meant
I fasted on Monday.
And I missed my Agility Skool that night.
So imagine my surbrise when
on Teusday,
whee set off fur...
- - - - -
The Casino.
 Yes. Yess.
The Mom said she was taking me teu
thiss blace smells
teu clean teu be a casino.
The only chibs here
whas in my shoulder.
And thiss iss knot
the poker
I came teu blay.
On the bright side,
I got lots ob hugs from the girls...

I haff lost teu bounds
and now weigh in at
74.3 bounds...

and I got teu see
my the Doctor Mark.
He did gibbs me a furough ecksam,
and he did run sum tests.
And ass it turns out,
I gots a belly full ob yeast
[also some blant material,
butt no becans]

what means a big imbalance ob
good and bad backterias.
Doctor Mark gibben me
brobioticks fur firty days
[teu build ub the good]
and antibioticks fur ten days
[teu kill the bad]. 
Now let's go home.
Timing whas raffer boor,
on a counta I cood knot haff treats,
butt I started a new class thiss week...
and I did lubbs lubbs LUBBS it.
It iss called

Tricks and Clicks.
Whee did learn
Shaping Techniques
and whee did bick teu tricks
teu learn thiss week.
Here iss me wif my furst one.

My class whas Wednesday night.
And I learned my furst trick yesterday.
Watch me bow.

Bracktiss makes berfeckt
Neckst I fink whee whill work on
holding the bow.

Tricks make me berry habby.
Now let's head outside.
I amb gradually feeling better.
I amb beginning teu get my energy back.
Here iss me taking
a short jumb.
Teumorrow and Sunday,
I amb going teu deu
my agility training.
And I amb going teu work on
Trick Teu.
Whee are studying thiss one.
the Mom iss studying learning.
I amb studying eating...
and chilling wif
a backwards ear.
and gibbing fanks.
- - - - -
Yes. Yess.
Fank The Good Lord
fur all the folks wheu gibbs so much
and some times all...
teu defend and broteckt the rest ob us.
Hug the One Yeu lubbs.
And gibbs her kisses.
Cuddle ub really close.
And when she draws yeu in...
be sweet and
shmuggle cheek teu cheek.

- - - - -
Gibbing Big Fanks fur all the little fings
and also fur the berry big imbortant fings like... Yeur Friendshib


  1. Reufus, so glad you are feeling better and that the vet was able to prescribe you some meds.
    Hope with the meds and some new food you will have your problem taken care of.
    Have a great week.

    Hamish, Emma
    Auntie Sheila, Uncle Bob

  2. Oh Reufus, you are such a good writer! I think you should write a novel, perhaps a series of books. Your blog has humour, sadness, adventure, scary moments [at the 'bet' and spa], medical emergencies and drama!
    I think it would be a best seller.
    I do hope your stomach settles down and you can return to agility and doing fun stuff you enjoy.
    Thank you for making me smile!
    Love from Lily in Brisbane, Australia.

  3. We jes loooove reading about your life - you are the best sharer of all newses, good and...well...sometimes not so good. We also LOVED your tricks movies - you are such a quick learner - and we think your the trainer is a furry great Houdini teacher! Now keep taking those good meds what the BET gave you and get better Pal!
    Sammie and Ava

  4. Wow, talk about an action packed post! You have so much going on we think you need a secretary. We hope your vet will have your poops fixed up. Not good to have those bad poops! Me and Stanley can bow too but you are faster. I like to do mine in slow motion and be more dramatic. We are sorry you had to miss your agility school.

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

  5. Me hopes u feel more bettered. :)